The world of football also provided us with some incredible moments as well; and not least the newly-monied Manchester City. Never has one club provided as much blogging material in one week.

Whilst Americans stared up at Capitol Hill, starry-eyed with hope – asking themselves if outgoing president Bush was wondering why Morgan Freeman was giving a speech from the podium - City were reeling from their audacious, but failed attempt to sign AC Milan’s Kaka.

It was a transfer move of insane proportions, and the likelihood of it coming to fruition was always in doubt. At £100 million, Kaka is even more expensive than a loaf of bread. To put that fee that into perspective, one could lo0k at it this way: £100 million is the operating budget of a small town, or a country the size of Malta. Alternatively, you could spend that sum buying out Dragon’s Den’s Duncan Bannatyne or Zimbabwe several times over. It’s a lot of money, and despite Kaka’s brilliance, AC Milan jumped at the chance of such a windfall and happily opened talks with City.

The fact it fell through is not only testament to Kaka’s loyalty to his employers, but also the sanctity of the sport. Many feared it was solely money-driven, and here we have evidence that it is just mostly driven by dollar signs. Its soul is still there. Just about.

Robinho provided another great story this week by simply vanishing off the face of the Earth for a few days. No-one is entirely sure why City’s record signing took it upon himself to walk out of their training session and board a plane to anywhere else, but there is a myriad of theories. Some say that he returned to his native Brazil, while others suggest that it was a petulant reaction to Kaka’s no-show. All we really know is this: Robinho’s disappearance was both hilarious and ridiculous. Quite how you allow £32.5 million’s worth of talent to simply vanish is quite amazingly stupid.

City quickly tried to appear as though they were in control of the situation and the club released a statement accordingly, explaining the absence of their World Cup-winning forward. Soon after, the elusive player himself announced the reasons for his sojourn into the great unknown.

“I had made Manchester City aware that I needed to return to Brazil because of a family matter,” Robinho said.

“I will return to the club and hope to sort this out as soon as possible. I feel it is important to underline that I did not return to Brazil because of the Kaka deal. He is one of my good friends and it would have been great to see him at Manchester City – but it had nothing to do with his decision to stay in Milan.

“I am committed to helping Manchester City become the force the owners assured me they will become.”  

Shame really. A fairly mundane end to what promised to be one of the most bizarre stories in recent memory. It has been a truly incredible week, and one can only hope that today’s FA Cup ties round it off nicely.

However, in spite of the incredibly high entertainment value Benitez delivered, he did not match his Iberian counterpart. Unfortunately for the moustachioed former Valencia boss, he was bordering incoherence.

In fact, many of the grievances that Benitez levelled Manchester United supremo Sir Alex Ferguson in his spectacular rant were privileges that his Liverpool side have enjoyed for years.

“I want to talk about facts,” Benitez claimed, as he drew a substantial list of pet hates from his pocket,  ”I want to be clear, I do not want to play mind games too early, although they [Manchester United] seem to want to start.”

Benitez’s main gripes seemed to be Ferguson’s treatment of match officials and the Scotsman’s ludicrous claim that fixtures – so often moved for television – were working against United.

There was no stopping the irate, burly Benitez once he had drawn up his list. He was on a warpath.

“During the Respect campaign – and this is a fact – Mr Ferguson was charged by the FA for improper conduct after comments made about Martin Atkinson and Keith Hackett.  He was not punished. He is the only manager in the league that cannot be punished for these things .”

It was possible to see the veins bulging from his forehead at this point, and, unfortunately for Benitez, he had his “facts” somewhat askew. Ferguson is the only manager to have been significantly punished so far this term, having incurred a £10,000 fine already and served a touchline ban. Hull’s Phil Brown is the only one who comes close, having been fined £2,000 for improper conduct.

Not content, Rafa moved on to Ferguson’s claims that the fixtures are working against United.

“Then he was talking about the fixtures. Two years ago we were playing a lot of early kick-offs away on Saturdays when United were playing on Sundays. And we didn’t say anything.

“Now he is complaining about everything, that everybody is against United. But the second half of the season will see them playing at home against all the teams at the top of the table, it is a fantastic advantage.

“If he wants to talk about fixtures, and have a level playing field as you say in England. There are two options if we don’t want more problems with fixtures.

“One is the same as in Spain, the draw for the first part of the league is known, everyone knows which weekend. In the second-half everyone plays the opposite, so you all know. Sky and Setanta have the right to choose their games and it will be the same for everyone. So Mr Ferguson will not be complaining about fixtures and a campaign against United.

“Or there is another option. That Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain. That is simple.”

Quite, Rafa.

Naturally, there has been a media storm, and the consensus most have reached is this: Rafa has his “facts” wrong, and he will not win this or any other mind-game with Ferguson.

What his tantrum tells us most of all is that Rafa does not feel that Liverpool’s position at the table is safe from Fergie. His United side are due to start their customary New Year run of wins, and he is used to crossing swords with the Premier League’s best tacticians, and emerging the victor.  

Of course, Fergie – not one to simply rise above the furore - did provide a riposte, and branded his opposite number “disturbed.”

“There was a lot of venom in what he has said,” replied Ferguson.

“I don’t understand where it has come from. When he reflects on it he must realise what he is saying is ridiculous. He is obviously disturbed about something.” 

The title race has started to simmer nicely.

Last season, my team, Coventry City obliterated the Champions-elect 2-0 on United’s own turf, and I was only too delighted to see Derby County repeat the feat on Wednesday.

Many United fans would quickly point out that Sir Alex, in his wisdom, had not fielded a full-strength side in either game, but they are wrong. The big-guns were deployed as soon as Fergie realised that his side were being usurped by lower-league upstarts, and try as they might, Ronaldo, Rooney, Tevez, and company just could find a way to breach their Chapionship opposition.

Derby are not a side I, or any other Coventry fans, have any particular feeling for, and aside for our mutual distaste for Leicester City and Nottingham Forest, they do not really draw attention. I nonetheless found it very satisfying to see United upset again by supposedly inferior opposition.

Kris Commons’ rasping drive on the half-hour mark was no sucker-punch either. United huffed and puffed, but appeared sadly emphysemic against a Derby side that appeared fitter, stronger and more tactically astute than their more illustrious counterparts.

Ronaldo  and Rooney were the only players in a United shirt who offered any kind of latent threat, but Ronaldo cut a frustrated, dipondent figure and for all his flair and skill, simply could not find anything in his repetoire to swing the pendulum back in United’s favour.

Ronaldo’s dispondency clearly engulfed him, and he demonstrated his chagrin at his team’s humiliation by attempting to end it all – and his Ferrari – in that tunnel under Manchester Airport. Mercifully, the only things he harmed were his pride and his ostentatious car.

United still have the opportunity to recover from Commons’ hammer-blow in the return leg of the quarter-final - something they could not do when Michael Mifsud netted his brace for Coventry that famous night at Old Trafford – but I would not hold my breath.

Let’s start with the stupidity, and Jermain Defoe’s £12 million return to White Hart Lane, less than a year after his £9 million move to Portsmouth.  It certainly calls Tottenham charman Daniel Levy’s fundamental mathmatical ability into question.

Defoe’s homecoming was unveiled before Spurs’ 4-1 win over Burnley, and he was given a hero’s welcome as the ever-hopeful Spurs fans felt the tangible, unnecessarily expensive prospect of the easing of their problems in front of goal. It was the perfect night for Tottenham, and did not at all take on the air of a farce when Defoe saluted his baying fans  in his somewhat Steptoe & Son attire.

One of the oddest rumours doing the rounds is the reported interest of AC Milan and Real Madrid in Liverpool misfit, Jermaine Pennant. Pennant undoubtedly has talent in abundance, but he has never matched his huge promise; drifiting in and out of games much like a downtrodden husband drifts in and of conversation with his wife, only to be exposed. The wife may exploit her husband’s weakness, and ask incredibly difficult questions, such as “what did I just say?” 

Pennant’s weakness has always been his lack of concentration an discipline, cruelly highlighted by his dubious record of becoming the first – and only - professional footballer to take to the field with a police tag during his spell with Birmingham City.

Birmingham are another side who have made early moves in this transfer window, dispensing with the rather expensive  on-loan Quincy Owusu-Abeyie to make way for Rangers forward Kris Boyd in a £4 million deal.

Boyd is something of an enigma, and resembles a portly, angry builder; the sort who complain whilst doing their job before inventing problems, and eventually overcharging you. Yet, despite appearing ill-suited to the game, he has attracted Birmingham and Alex McLeish’s interest, and when you look at his past record you can understand why. Many Scottish fans and pundits alike commented that he does little to contribute to games, except score.
At just 25, he is the second-highest goalscorer in the Scottish Premier League history- behind the legendary Henrik Larsson - with 134 goals in 249 appearances.  An incredible record, and it is hard to see him faltering in the Championship.

The award for heatwarming story of the day has to go to Derby’s attempt to rekindle their glorious past – as any given dictator would put it – by appointing Nigel Clough as their new boss. Immediately, people are suggesting he will emulate his late father’s incredible record with the Rams, but having only been in charge of part-timers Burton Albion before, it is a lot to ask. Still, a little nepotistic nostalgia never hurt anyone.

This weekend saw the return of the FA Cup, which never fails to induce a nationwide fit of nostalgia in football fans. Some look back reverentially at the “good old days,” and bemoan the loss of its once infectious magic. Others insist its lustre remains. 

Much of the debate centres around the growing power of television, with His Rupertness, Setanta and ITV moving games around as they deign necessary for their own convenience with an ego approaching the size of Bono’s.

Happily, the competition remains largely in the hands of the terestrial, non-subscription channels - in this case, ITV - so we aren’t yet being deprived of the action as we are in England’s away games.  

Last season’s Third Round saw the (hilarious) loss of nine top-flight teams, re-invigorating the purists’ nostalgia; hailing a return of the Golden Era. Cardiff’s sojourn all the way to the Final seemed to be impudence to fans of the Big Four, and they breathed a collective sigh of relief when Portsmouth spared the Premier League’s blushes, just when the Bluebirds threatened to usurp the status of the best league in the world. 

This year promised more of the same when Hartlepool spectacularly and unceremoniously dumped Stoke out of the competition with a 2-0 defeat in Saturday’s early fixture. Indeed, that was further vindicated when Nottingham Forest stole Hartlepool’s thunder and completely annihilated Manchester City on their own turf with a thoroughly deserved 3-0 win.

There seemed to be a collective sense delight when people noticed quite what Forest were doing to Man City. As a nation, we British love it when the little man humiliates the big man, and that was happening on a grand scale at Eastlands. Forget the fact that both sides are struggling in the Premiership and Championship respectively, every football fan in Britain who happened to not support City was just waiting for them to falter after they maliciously became the world’s richest club, not only threatening to to upset the status quo, but compounding the money-orientated climate. 

This, then, was the ultimate upset, and Forest, with their lowly, floundering position in the Championship, managerial turmoil and comparatively meagre resources, had every right to be delighted with not only their win, but their performance. They far outshone their more illustrious opponents, and scored one of the best goals you will see this season in Nathan Tyson’s exocet missile of a volley. For the second goal, Forest’s Joe Garner breezed past Pablo Zabaleta with such consumate ease to set up the goal that I genuinely asked myself whether it was Russell Brand playing at right-back for City rather than the Argentina international they thought they had thrown £7 million at in the summer.

It is that - Forest’s utter superiority over the monied superpower that City - that captured what the nostalgics love about the FA Cup; the underdog’s day in the sun. Their were not as many upsets in this year’s Third Round Day compared to last year’s, but Forest’s destruction of City, Hartlepool’s win over Stoke and Southend’s dramatic equaliser to humble Chelsea reminded us of what’s great about the Cup, even if His Rupertness and his cronies want to eat away at it.

Except, it isn’t. At least, not quite.

This Wednesday, we can look forward to this season’s last spectacle: the Champions’ League Final. A clash of epic proportions between Chelsea and Manchester United – the sides that served up arguably the most turgid of FA Cup Finals last season – in a match that promises to be just as much about an age-old grudge as about being crowned the best team in Europe. It’s this sense of true rivalry and the opportunity of revenge for Chelsea after surrendering the Premiership that means that we can forgo the previous dross of the FA Cup Final in 2007 and expect something altogether more riveting.

However, Champions’ League – while fantastic, in terms of the quality of football – seems to me to be just as much about the sponsorship, money and egos as about the football itself. As a concequence, it seems to lose some of its integrity and is altogether less agreeable than its domestic counterpart, the FA Cup.

This year has truly been awesome as far as the FA Cup has been concerned. The notion that there’s a yawning gap in quality between the Championship and the Premiership has been blown out the water by competition full of more upsets than a playgroup with no toys. My club, Coventry, absolutely oblitorated UEFA Cup-chasing Blackburn in a 4-1 thrashing at Ewood Park, whilst Sheffield United breezed past a Manchester City side that was completely bereft of ideas going forward. Barnsley convincingly overcame Liverpool and Chelsea on their route to the Semi-Final, and in the Final, sixth-placed Portsmouth limped over the finishing line to snatch the Cup from the clutches of Championship Cardiff.

Conversely, the Champions’ League has been somewhat run-of-the-mill, with the underdogs almost always coming second. As a result, the Champions’ League has been very much England’s own in the last few seasons. Liverpool, Chelsea, Manchester United and Arsenal have been very much the dominant forces, taking over the mantle from Spain and Italy’s premier clubs who – while still posing a threat – have been in turmoil of late.

As far as excitement is concerned, both deliver. The Champions’ League has high quality – even ostentatious displays of skill – whereas the FA Cup provides us with sheer pace and excitement of upsets that the Champions’ League simply does not provide.

For that reason alone, I have to say that the FA Cup’s spontaneity gives it the edge.

As for who will win the Champions’ League Final, I’m going for Manchester United. Their flair and pace should give them the edge, though Chelsea’s quest for revenge will spur them on.

However, something that has really got me completely at a loss is the managerial episode at Manchester City.

For some reason, City’s owner, former Thai prime minister, Thaksin Shinawatra has seen fit to dismiss the hugely successful Sven-Goran Eriksson after guiding the club to a top-ten finish in the Premier League and instilling style and flair to what was a beleaguered side this time last year. Adding players such as Martin Petrov, Elano and Vedran Corluka to the squad has allowed City’s own young, talented prodigies – Micah Richards, Michael Johnson, Joe Hart and Nedum Onuoha – to mature, and the result has been skillful, assured performances in the League and two wins over the old enemy, Manchester United.

So, of course, the logical thing for Dr Shinawatra to do at this point is to sack the man responsible for this quantum leap, Eriksson.

It is important to point out that Dr Shinawatra is not a man famed for popular decisions, or indeed being popular for anything. For evidence of this, we need look no further than the fact that he was subject to a military coup on 11th September 2006 and subsequently exiled from Thailand. He has been accused of selling domestic assets to international investors and religious desecration. Independent bodies, including Amnesty International, have also expressed concern at his human rights record. Human Rights Watch described Shinawatra as “a human rights abuser of the worst kind,” alleging that he participated in media suppression and presided over extrajudicial killings. He also has been subject to several purported assassination attempts.

Clearly, then, it only makes sense that he passed the FA’s “Fit and Proper Persons’ Test” that all prospective football club owners are subject to. If a man suspected of so many crimes against humanity can purchase a football club, then surely only the Devil – and perhaps Pete Doherty – would be prevented from attempting a take over. Robert Mugabe need not despair just yet. If it all his election-rigging goes to pot, then he can can take heart from the fact that he can just buy Middlesbrough.

Given the fact that Shinawatra’s background is suspect at best, it’s hardly surprising that he’s treating City in a way befitting the megalomaniac he appears to be, but that does not legislate for the immense stupidity his evidently susceptible to. After facing a relegation battle last year, a top ten finish is fantastic, and so to sack Eriksson is beyond comprehension. Despite that, Shinawatra still blindly defied logic, and as a result, Noel Gallagher is angry. Really angry, in fact. So angry, that he branded Dr Shinawatra a “nutcase,” and his decision, “ludicrous.”

The worrying thing is that he is right. Eriksson gave City a swagger and a confidence, and in one fell swoop, Shinawatra has made his position untenable, undermined the whole playing and coaching staff and gave the Noel Gallagher the moral high ground. To his immense credit, Eriksson staved off a players’ revolt against Shinawatra in his support, when he would have been entirely justified in allowing it to take place. Affairs with secretaries and Ulrika Jonsson during his England tenure or not, Eriksson instilled a dignity into the club only for his good work to be desecrated.

Is Shinawatra a “fit and proper person?” I think not.

This time, he has made the BBC angry, and, as a result, he has left Match Of The Day. Now we’ve been left with The Two Alans to disect what’s left of the BBC’s football coverage, almost always at the careful prompting of Gary Lineker, who controls Match Of The Day in much the same way that China controls Tibet; tenuously, but he is ultimately the one in power. The difference is that Lineker’s control is welcome, because without his prompting, Hansen could well work up a rage capable of making Mark Lawrenson’s moustache grow back at an alarming rate.

The problem is – as Wright astutely points out – the BBC is rapidly losing much of the football coverage it once had. The FA Cup is going to be in the hands of ITV and Setanta as of next season, and England’s matches are at something of a premium already, and there is talk that the Beeb may well be broadcasting fewer next season. As a result, we can look forward to David Pleat’s inane intonations for years to come.

Whilst this is something that is particularly annoying, it did not actually make up the hub of Wright’s reasons for leaving, oh no. What Wright felt was a much more pressing problem was The Two Alans’ attire. According to Wright – the Gucci-adorned possessor of all the fans’ views – we, the viewers, can no longer relate to the pundits on the BBC because they wear suits.

To the best of my understanding, what Wright is proposing is that the heady combination of suits and talking about football inspires a combination of jealousy, boredom and confusion in fans. Essentially, Wright is suggesting that we all have clothing-related ADD, bless him.

“I don’t know how long young people are going to want to sit down and watch that same old format,” says Wright, “fans want people dressed like them,” he said. “They’ve got no one to relate to on TV.”

There is one problem with this idea, and it is this: the Beeb has done a lot to move away from the upper-class imperially styled sports coverage it used to churn out in recent years. Where there was a suited, moustached Des Lynan (or the Monopoly man), there is Gary Lineker. Interestingly, Lineker is not only laid-back and funny, but is regularly seen without a monocle, and now, Adrian Chiles is becoming more prominent in the BBC’s coverage, and his forthright, irreverent style is not what I would describe as aristocratic.

Leaving aside the fact that Wright is better dressed than most football fans, he is missing the point. Fans don’t want to watch people who look like Blazin’ Squad analysing their football, they want people who understand it and can make themselves clear in a charismatic, funny way.

Thanks, Ian. No suits, please, this is the BBC.

Ian Wright: Moving on

Wright’s Pearls of Wisdom
- “I don’t make predictions. I never have done and never will do.”
- “It took a lot of bottle for him [Tony Adams] to own up [to alcoholism].”
- “Without being too harsh on David Beckham, his sending-off cost us the Argentina match.”
- “You’ve got to take the rough with the smooth. It’s like love and hate, war and peace, all that bollocks.”

As a religious festival, Easter is something of a whimsical affair, showing up in February, March and April as God sees fit, lazily following the moon’s wanderings. You see, football is fast becoming a similarly regulated occaision occuring at the behest Sky, whenever His Rupertness deigns necessary. If you’re lucky, you might be able to see some Premiership highlights that have kindly been donated to the BBC or ITV by the footballing authorities. Perhaps even an England game that His Rupertness didn’t fancy, and, until today, an FA Cup game; a competition that – as far as I was aware – remained in the hands of terestrial TV.

Imagine then, my immense irritation when I discovered that His Rupertness had taken today’s FA Cup clash between Barnsley and Cardiff from the BBC and decided to broadcast it exclusively on his sporting plaything, Sky Sports. This meant that I, and many others couldn’t watch it, whilst the suited VIP Wembley Club members sit at home watching it on Sky Plus in their second home, rather than attending the game because of its unfashionable participants.

I wonder if England’s World Cup win success 1966 would have been exclusively covered by Sky. We’ll never really know, but what I do know is that certain football matches are increasingly being scheduled for the convenience of Sky and Setanta et al.

They’re trying to steal my football, and I’ve been left with Match of the Day and ITV’s coverage of the Champions’ League, which has all the verve and imagination of David Pleat. Typical.

Yesterday, it transpired that Sheffield Wednesday haven’t the foggiest when it comes to the regulations on fielding loan players. As such, they ended up naming six loan players in their squad that to face Stoke City on Saturday, when five is the limit.

What troubles me most is that they were allowed to actually play the game having named too many loan players in the team; surely the match officials should have been aware of this rule and brought it to the attention of Brian Laws, Sheffield Wednesday’s manager. Now, as a result of the collective ineptitude of the club and the officials, Wednesday face the prospect of a hefty fine, or worse, a points deduction and the exacerbation of their relegation struggle.

I, for one, am torn as to whether I feel that Wednesday should be relegated by virtue of their stupidity. Perhaps they should be, and given football’s equivalent of a Darwin Award. The alternative is that they are let off with a fine because of the endearingly stupid nature of their transgression. Either way, it’s worrying, but I’d prefer that teams finish in their final league position on merit, not as a result of a ridiculous sequence of events like this.

Does anybody know the rules? Um…

Correction: In my last article, I said that Coventry were had spent 32 years in the top flight; a feat that was unrivalled by any other club. It has come to my attention that both Everton and Arsenal have beaten this record.